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Blank Girl

Extracts of my book

Am I invisible or do I have knack to pissing off people? In spite of best efforts  I don’t seem to get through anyone .I guess I come across as arrogant .i expect people to appreciate my interest . if I am obliging them with my attention, they should but of course, fall in line . It is best thing to happen to them. They surely are blind or have really bad taste not to be impressed by my innumerable achievements.

As I write above I realize why, people dispel me. I do come across as arrogant when I am not .I have worked hard for things I have achieved .I don’t flaunt it, it’s a fact .But I think I come across someone who is carving for attention .I realize .my carving for attention makes me look arrogant . my need to be appreciated. Like small baby cries .all he want the attention to be pampered. In my case however it seems like I am selling myself to the world & wants them to bow in awe.

I saw her  one day .She was taking a walk  after lunch . She had sparkle in her eyes ,that sparkle kindled a flicker in my heart .”Wow” that’s what my heart would have said if it had a vocabulary. However numerous people passed through her without even noticing .No one blinked twice. no one turned their head . Blind people I thought. Beauty lies in eyes of beholder. World didn’t stop to appreciate the hazel eyes .

I began to wonder who she was. Did I know her? Did she know me? No, it’s not possible that I could forget someone like her.I gazed at her and wondered if she knew I was there. How would she react if she noticed me?

Thinking they were telling the story of unknown .Thousands of words I would see in her eyes. But only question is for whom they were meant to be .

A girl who likes the depth of thoughts. Does she like reading like me? Does she write too? Does she love it like me?”“Wow, that would be wonderful. ”.“What??? Wait, what the hell I am thinking!”

And then came that moment were everything became standstill, the moment she smiled . Such was innocence in her smile, it was almost a child like .The smile is genuine when your smile reaches your eyes . That very moment she became the most beautiful girl in the world, if not for the world  just for me .It was my world . She looked at me, this time our eyes met for a second and we communicated in a flash of silence. Time become still and I lost myself in her as I read her story

You may be a friendliest person. but when you are to approach a girl you dead shy . I guess your concise teases you to react to your intentions.  You can talk through to most people if you don’t have any intention toward them .If you expect a friendship you become conscious.

So you notice but don’t know how to proceed. Times flew like that till that it was social gathering in office. Antakshari was in full swing. Then she sat beside me .This Interaction was needed to break ice. Then a casual conversation, from her side, broke the ice and my joy knew no bounds. I have another gem of habit. I manage to give creepy feelings to girls if I like them. I had ,on more than one occasion, made no efforts to hide my feelings toward the opposite gender. (The above lines are sarcastically inclined in case you missed it )

The casual conversation grew once I settled in familiar zone,but so called conversation where one sided I passed on more information and received practically none or things which I already knew .This is one more quality I  have speak speak, speak and  just don’t listen . The more information you give better chance she will get impressed (MYTH) .Don’t follow all this funda. I am still single .

 A chance of a platonic relationship is not so motivating .Also I am very bad at making things happen. When I try to be someone friend I fail without fail .try mean to make things happen. Bumping into person on purpose .Trying to be at same place at same time . visiting cafeteria for example. Sometime multiple time just to be there at same time .I have tried giving a print every time my new object of affection was at printer .(Btw It never worked)  but patience is virtue of very few. And I am not one of those chosen few. Destiny is not on my side it just sometime tease me with opportunity ,which I of course blow up most of time.

So I venture into this to make this friendship happen and after couple of missed chances I blew it up how? I don’t know how? But the result said I did .Now she passes by me and don’t even acknowledge my presence … and the cycle continues.

Making it obvious without actually saying it per se scares the person off . I must have known this, but I am not a good flirt. If I was I would not have been writing this… (this para I mean).

I am not a deceiver. I cannot tell you  stories just to make you fall in love . Love is more natural thing. I don’t believe in manipulations either it happens or it doesn’t. Why anyone will have problem with someone who likes them .Only one I guess they don’t like them back .  

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