Life doesn’t always give you #SecondChance

A #SecondChance is regret we always live with .We get nostalgic about how things were or would have been if we got the #SecondChance .Over life time we come across many Situations where we regret about postponing things for too long. Life is uncertain, so we can’t blame it for any misadventure. We always assume things will remain as it is for time being, but then it happens .The things we dreaded and we wish, it just could have waited a day longer.

I have infatuation, crush or just what happens at first sight. I always fancied chance of long conversation , but would always get just a small talk from her. Then one day she asked me if I could drop her home in ‘My car’. With all my heart I just pleaded a mercy, this question came just too early, as I was just postponing buying ‘My car’ for a year now .I hope I will get a #second chance

At end of a tiring day, I check my Facebook & find updates from my friends, relatives. From Paris, Bali , Hong Kong etc. the places I always longed to visit, I get comment that, Hope you were here. I see pictures and fulfill my desire through those pictures .Need a long vacation but I have been postponing it to future for a second chance

Doing something you enjoy is dream everyone sees. But responsibility in terms of money force you to choose something else .I want to write a book but never made a committed start towards the same. Just one more month, I keep saying to myself. But the conclusion is  always, after this project. I hope  I will get a chance to be author I always wanted .

This post is a part of the #SecondChance activity at BlogAdda in association with MaxLife Insurance”.

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The Day he lied to me……

“Visitors are only allowed between 5 PM to 7 PM. You have to wait till that time ‘’. Guard at the Fortis Hospital gate told me disapprovingly at my request of entry. The watch showed 3.30 PM, still one and half hour. I had reached hospital straight from the Airport. It was after Eight months I was returning to Mumbai .But Amchi Mumbai still felt like my own. If you born and bought up in Mumbai,you are going to miss it ,does not matter you are in Delhi or New York . But Akshay was working in Delhi based corporate , working in corporate office ,his job was not transferable .Any way it is mostly girl who had to compromise .I shifted my loved job & loved city to settle with Akshay .But it was worth it , only for Akshay

Akshay was passionate about his work and career but at same time knew happiness lies beyond money you make .He balanced his work- life  to almost a perfection .He never neglected his personal life for work although vice versa may not always be true but he was professional .He was caring & most loving husband I always imagined to have.I  never asked me to sacrifice my career. He understood ,when I was late at work .In any situation, he first thought  of me then himself . Some time even cooked food for both of us when I was late .I just fell in love all over again every time he did that .Eight months of married life was bliss .Everything I thought would have been no better than reality . Life was as smooth, was jolted by sudden news. Shikha  my younger sister informed me about Amit’s serious illness .I never had second thought  about rushing back to Mumbai .I called Akshay to inform him about my plans , He in turn offered to come along .Such a sweetheart he was, I thought

I was first visitor to barge in as soon as clock struck five ,rushed to reception . Amit Patil  .ward number please? ,I asked . I was directed to ICU . When I reached there I saw his Mom . I always remembered aunty for awesome food she cooked. Aunt’s  puran poli was my favorite . She was always so cheerful when I told her that ,but today she was numb .I realized situation was worse than I had imagined . She embraced me as soon as she saw. She started crying ,perhaps nth time that day .I tried to console her in vain .Only so much I would do. Only one person per patient  at time in ICU was the rule . I was number 5 in the list of preferences .My heart sank as I approached Amit‘s bed , All wired up to machines ,which showed some weird signs .You think it all was funny when you see them in movies , but in reality they are not the pretty sight .Specially when that  machines are showing progress of someone you loved . Any  awkward  moment  or sound from them make you skip a heartbeat .Amit was sleeping or was he unconscious .I just observed him from side of the bed .I had many questions in my mind but it was obvious Amit was not going to answer any of them , at least not immediately .

My mind wondered to beautiful relationship we shared. We were two fresher  joining same corporate .We had some awesome time in first year when we bunch of six trained together in various verticals of business . Amit and me were inseparable. Solving each other’s  doubts .Listening each other complaints . Hoping we were at right place .We were solace to each other in our career . That bonding continued  until Amit went on for further studies. He decided to do his  MBA from premier institute . I felt happy for him when he was selected, he was anyway bored from mundane job .Only when he was away then I realized it that how much I loved him. I missed him like fish without water . I realized the true feelings due to the distance. Was he feeling the same way? , I was yet to find out .But that was not going to be and then Akshay happened in my life .I remembered ,how Amit was  all along assuring me that Akshay was perfect for me .He was right, like always .Perhaps life leads us to the right path .

When I joined Amit’s family in waiting room  I was unsure how to broach the questionsI had . The waiting room of hospital is filled with stories of unfortunates .If you happened to acquaintance the people they will fill you with story of their own misfortune  . Then you finally come face to the fact that  the  no mater how much happy your life is, it can suddenly  jolt to topsy-turvy without you even realizing it . Nature had its own way of balance .I asked his mom what happened to him. He was suffering  from liver disease. Treatment was only temporary and it was just postponing the inevitable. This was the invitable we always dreaded to face, his mom told me.

But for how long he was suffering from this ?  Just when he started his MBA ,he was diagnosed with it .

I was shocked .He was suffering from a deadly disease but never let me know all this long .He was my closest friend & We never hid anything from each other .And it dawned to me, Why ? Tears started rolling through my eyes.How would I didn’t read those eyes .Why I didn’t understood the pain . I can’t let him go like this .But then destiny was planning something else .I  realised his betrayal .I hated for him for that. The day when I had expressed my feeling towards him. He told me ,” I don’t love you that way and never will ‘.The day he lied to me …………………………….

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

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A ‘CLICK’ that Changed My life ….

One lazy Sunday Evening ,I was lying  on my favorite sofa surfing through channel .

Half eaten packet of biscuits ,couple of banana skin,  half open jar of dry fruits ,lid less water bottle were lying on the floor in the front .That was the typical lunch I  had on a off day .

Time for some social networking, I thought . I picked up a laptop, logged on to Facebook.

Going through how happening is life of all people on my list , made me question, Is all this real ?.These are times when being single hurts . You ask why me ? You look into mirror and say , I am Educated ,Successful,Caring funny still no one wants to be with me .But then you realize.What the hell !! How does it mater .

On a side bar ‘people you may know’  list was inviting my attention .This is where you come across  people you hate , your ex crushes , your ex- office hottie , your current office hottie  or Hottie you don’t know  .It is sort of invitation “peep into my life, I need few more likes “ 

I decided to check out that invitation. Going through the list I came across the name .Vikas Chopra. More than a name the profile picture that drew my attention. It was typical marriage picture. Vikas Chopra was my batch mate in College .Vikas & his girlfriend ,Prajakta Shenoy ,were famous in the college as a MFEO(Made for each other ) couple .They did everything together & seemed so much in Love that every Single guy felt envious. Last heard was they joined the Investing Bank together were soon planning to tie knot. But that was couple of years ago .I clicked to see how The MFEO Couple  rocked the marriage stage .

And I was left with my mouth open .The picture was staring me back with all the vigor. It definitely contained two people I knew, but not the people I had thought. Of course it was Vikas Chopra Marriage picture but the Bride was Vidya Sharma.

I immediately dialed Piyu . That’s Priyanka my best buddy from college. Now she was equally shocked by the news I gave her. Now that’s call for some probing said the curious Piyu.The curiosity was as much of Vikas and Prajakta not getting married as of how VIdya Sharma got in to equation.

 Now the only person  who would tell the story behind was Prajakta. Piyu  was chosen to bell the cat . Being girl she was more likely to dig out the information. I never  had a chance of winning this competition if ever there was one .

Piyu was reluctant but the curiosity was too much to avoid . I told piyu to send her the friend request . Which was accepted without much delay .Prajakta was still working the investing bank .After the pleasantries , When Piyu asked so how is Vikas doing? ,that didn’t sound too odd. For every person of our batch, both were synonymous . Hence it was a obvious question .Prajakta after the longish silence and Piyus probing skills broke the story .

Prajakta told Piyu her honeymoonish relationship was actually very flimsy .Their parent were family friends . In their early teen they were pegged to marry each other , Call it peer pressure or logical outcome . They stuck with each other through college life . What we presumed to be MFEO relationship was actually perception .Two people bound by the family ties .As maturity grew they both realized that’s they were not into each other they were different kinds of people .

Vidya Sharma was another recruit selected in same investment bank . Former colleagues in Vikas & Vidya ,hit off while working in the same project . Over course of their late night deal cracking, they had found love .Prajakta was more of relieved when Vikas told her the truth . Being a Girl it was most difficult to answer parent question for refusal The chemistry or inner gut feeling hold no relevance to eager parents. Vikas in reality made her life easier . She could have not asked for better outcome than this.

Piyu was sympathic . It was best outcome of everyone involved .So how’s your friend Akash ? Prajakta asked Piyu .Are you still in touch with him ? . Piyu told prajakta about my further studies and corporate Job . I really liked him, quipped Prajakta. He was such a  humble guy.Ya that’s why he is one of my best friend .said Piyu in pride .

Piyu later that day told me the whole story about Prajakta..Life is strange and relationship are stranger .We sometimes make believe in aspirations of people surrounding us . We start believing in things through their eyes . Real Relationships is against all odd. Not what is most convenient. Prajakta was lucky to realise it soon.

I was surprised when Piyu mentioned about Prajakta inquiring about me .Even though we spent five years in same college .We hardly interacted .having stable boyfriend  studying with you, robs you chance of making any new friends and even edge out many few old ones .So we never had that’s shot at friendship, Even though I had always had her as my model girlfriend.

Just as  I was winding up the my laptop ,I received a Facebook notification . the notification said  Prajakta Shenoy  added you as friend .CONFIRM and IGNORE were the options. Then I Clicked CONFIRM . A ‘CLICK’ that Changed my life ….

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

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A FOE TURNED FRIEND.....

Bingo !! Yelled the host of inhouse Quiz contest in our office. This was to response to “You only live once “  answer She gave . Question was what does YOLO mean ?. I was surprised and shocked  .I had been  writing a blog by that title  since last six years .Was this a sign ? I wondered .Once in lifetime you come across a Soulmate, and destiny shows you a sign to identify your Soulmate. I shrugged my thoughts at first .

Shalini ,my new object of attention was nothing more than a office colleague .I have seen her many times in office .Although we never interacted .She was one of many  girls in office .But today I was seeing her in different light .Sun must be shining on her little more today. I noticed the beautiful smile .the sparkling eyes .how happy she was to get that right .Was she this beautiful or was I blind till now not to notice her .

I always consider myself on wrong side of unfair life .When you are born poor have to make sacrifices starting very young .When other kids were worried about the broken toys ,I would be worried about my school fees . When other kids were worried about college admissions I worried about my Mother life threatening illness. When my colleagues in office were worried about girls in their life I was worried about my dad health. After all was done I find myself single  living alone having lost my parents to illness. Life were no news was a good news for me . I never expected  a favor from destiny .Just wished it didn't bring me any more bad news .

From that day, Office was something else . I just wanted to notice that smile or look into those beautiful eyes . Observe my soulmate as much as I can. There was nothing in my mind except her. She occupied my empty mind . My thoughts and even my dreams were about her .Many times I picked up receiver  to make call to her.  But a good boy in me dismissed those thoughts .It is like sending a friend request to stranger, just because she is beautiful girl . That would sound so cheap was my thought.

I tried to track her . I tried to talk to her in manner which will seem like a coincidence to her .I didn’t want to come across as a flirt .All these demons were mostly in my mind ,but still difficult to control. Being a shy guy held me back.I got my chance at  office cafeteria .She was alone one day.I just striked up the conversation . But it fizzled out .Did she make out the casual conversation was not so casual? I wondered. Beautiful Girls have unique sensor ,they exactly know when some one is trying hit on her .

Days goes by I tired to speak to her more .But she would just respond or I feel so. I was just another guy in office and her reactions to me were not friendly at all.I tried as best as a shy guy can, but you know when someone try to avoid you purposefully ,u have no escape. She was always diplomatic never rejecting you in words . Perhaps I didn’t just exist for her .Her reaction .She doesn’t bother about how I felt .Never emphatic towards the feeling I hold, even if she was aware how I felt.

I was getting no were from a casual conversations rather sometimes getting a silence  treatment  I had lost all hope I tried everything even to extent of avoiding her. But then she didn’t just care. Then came day when just out of frustration I did something so stupid I would have not imagined in my dreams. How a casual conversation went in that direction I didn’t knew. I just asked her why was she so blind towards me .she said that was not the case .I told her in as many words that I liked her but perhaps she didn’t .So there was no need to beat around the bush .I could not see her reaction though the phone. But what the hell I was talking about. I told her that she is free and does not need to pretend ,Life is really short   We didn’t have whole life to decide  and I guessed she had made her decision . There was no need to keep everyone hanging .I told her I always hoped for the best . I wanted to be her best friend . I wanted to hear her  first Good Morning .I wanted to sleep with her Good night & sweet dreams . I wanted to buy flowers for her . I wanted to flirt . I want to hear the lovely song from play list with same ear phone one in each of our ears. I want to hear how was her day was. What happened with her colleagues friends or any one in her life .I wanted to be her punch bag ,I wanted her to be mine ,sometimes. I wanted to hold her hand in comfort . I wanted her to hold my hand in assurance.

As I put my phone down , I was sure that all was lost . My destiny was at it again. Robbing me of person I liked the most .I would not work that day . I just ruined & cursed my lady luck .I was not sure how would I face her after that conversation. When I packed my bags for the day it seemed like a dooms day. It was perfect end of the day you can say ..As I was crossing the road I drew blank after I was hit by coming vehicle .When I opened my eyes, couple of days later in hospital. I would barely move my hands. My family was happy to see me awake .My sister , asked me question you have such a close friend in office ?. I asked Why ?. She told me there was girl, who came to see me everyday .Even when I was not awake .She made it point to see me everyday .I wondered who would be that .

Soon it was a visitors time and in walked Shalini with all smiles to see me .I had no words to say. That sight was better than my dreams . She came and sat beside me .We both were speechless. just staring into each other .sharing with each other the mutual love they had . And then she held my hand ,just like I had imagined . That’s when I realise my destiny ,was a foe turned friend........

WOW ENTRY -11th January 2015.

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Blank Girl

Extracts of my book

Am I invisible or do I have knack to pissing off people? In spite of best efforts  I don’t seem to get through anyone .I guess I come across as arrogant .i expect people to appreciate my interest . if I am obliging them with my attention, they should but of course, fall in line . It is best thing to happen to them. They surely are blind or have really bad taste not to be impressed by my innumerable achievements.

As I write above I realize why, people dispel me. I do come across as arrogant when I am not .I have worked hard for things I have achieved .I don’t flaunt it, it’s a fact .But I think I come across someone who is carving for attention .I realize .my carving for attention makes me look arrogant . my need to be appreciated. Like small baby cries .all he want the attention to be pampered. In my case however it seems like I am selling myself to the world & wants them to bow in awe.

I saw her  one day .She was taking a walk  after lunch . She had sparkle in her eyes ,that sparkle kindled a flicker in my heart .”Wow” that’s what my heart would have said if it had a vocabulary. However numerous people passed through her without even noticing .No one blinked twice. no one turned their head . Blind people I thought. Beauty lies in eyes of beholder. World didn’t stop to appreciate the hazel eyes .

I began to wonder who she was. Did I know her? Did she know me? No, it’s not possible that I could forget someone like her.I gazed at her and wondered if she knew I was there. How would she react if she noticed me?

Thinking they were telling the story of unknown .Thousands of words I would see in her eyes. But only question is for whom they were meant to be .

A girl who likes the depth of thoughts. Does she like reading like me? Does she write too? Does she love it like me?”“Wow, that would be wonderful. ”.“What??? Wait, what the hell I am thinking!”

And then came that moment were everything became standstill, the moment she smiled . Such was innocence in her smile, it was almost a child like .The smile is genuine when your smile reaches your eyes . That very moment she became the most beautiful girl in the world, if not for the world  just for me .It was my world . She looked at me, this time our eyes met for a second and we communicated in a flash of silence. Time become still and I lost myself in her as I read her story

You may be a friendliest person. but when you are to approach a girl you dead shy . I guess your concise teases you to react to your intentions.  You can talk through to most people if you don’t have any intention toward them .If you expect a friendship you become conscious.

So you notice but don’t know how to proceed. Times flew like that till that it was social gathering in office. Antakshari was in full swing. Then she sat beside me .This Interaction was needed to break ice. Then a casual conversation, from her side, broke the ice and my joy knew no bounds. I have another gem of habit. I manage to give creepy feelings to girls if I like them. I had ,on more than one occasion, made no efforts to hide my feelings toward the opposite gender. (The above lines are sarcastically inclined in case you missed it )

The casual conversation grew once I settled in familiar zone,but so called conversation where one sided I passed on more information and received practically none or things which I already knew .This is one more quality I  have speak speak, speak and  just don’t listen . The more information you give better chance she will get impressed (MYTH) .Don’t follow all this funda. I am still single .

 A chance of a platonic relationship is not so motivating .Also I am very bad at making things happen. When I try to be someone friend I fail without fail .try mean to make things happen. Bumping into person on purpose .Trying to be at same place at same time . visiting cafeteria for example. Sometime multiple time just to be there at same time .I have tried giving a print every time my new object of affection was at printer .(Btw It never worked)  but patience is virtue of very few. And I am not one of those chosen few. Destiny is not on my side it just sometime tease me with opportunity ,which I of course blow up most of time.

So I venture into this to make this friendship happen and after couple of missed chances I blew it up how? I don’t know how? But the result said I did .Now she passes by me and don’t even acknowledge my presence … and the cycle continues.

Making it obvious without actually saying it per se scares the person off . I must have known this, but I am not a good flirt. If I was I would not have been writing this… (this para I mean).

I am not a deceiver. I cannot tell you  stories just to make you fall in love . Love is more natural thing. I don’t believe in manipulations either it happens or it doesn’t. Why anyone will have problem with someone who likes them .Only one I guess they don’t like them back .  

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Kyonki Har Ek Friend Zarroori hota hai ………..

Have we ever realised over life consist of phases ,each phase comprises of people who made it special When you remember best moments in your life you remember special people attached to it or responsible for it .So no mater whether they are part of your life now or not they will be always special for bringing that special ,moment in your life .I thank god for existence of such people in my life This is for all such people who made my life special …..

After lot pampering in School ,When I entered this big bad world of college life I met Amogh .I was Shy ,introvert, boring guy to start with in college who hardly had any friends .Mainly because all these years I never felt the need for making any friends, My current friends find this strange don’t believe it but that’s the truth . Amogh was friendly smart funny .so it was not a combination any body would have imagined .but it happened .We were always together both the years of junior college. Most people knew me as Amogh friend and nothing more .He was my social guide & social identity .I didn’t do anything in college out of my own .I only followed Amog and in turn, I helped him during exams .Although we drifted away a bit during degree college ,I always wondered why ?.May be because of the different path we took, he mostly busy in college festivals etc, I doing more boring CA studies .But I know even today we rock whenever we talk.

Thereafter I met Priyanka, the chatter box. It was Amogh who introduced us initially as she was in his Dance group. How & when we became so good friends I don’t know. But yes it was real effortless. Our gang Piyu, Me .Appu (Aparna) hit off like anything .From Rain dance parties, Dinner & movies .Whole College had no work but linking us together .But we never bothered .Even today I remember Dry fruits wala Pav Bhaji we had together .Though I am victim of her endless shopping sphere from trying same shoe at Bandra Linking road from 10 different shops & bargaining at each time to spending 2 hrs at Junk jewellery shop in Raghu Leela mall without buying anything. But all maaf for this Buddy friend .Only we can understand each other senseless sense of humour among other things .Even today she is just shout away.

As I moved toward CA studies ( read from canteen to Library) I made few more friends mainly Ashutosh first & Chetan later .Sitting in Library whole day from College gossip like who seeing whom ,rating girls in library , Who is trying for whom ,To solving each other doubt .we had done it all .how can I not miss those MISAL Pav in canteen during lunch time or Trip to near by Tapri for Parle G Biscuit & chai . .Ashutosh was real advisor always putting thing in perspective .But we had lots of fun moment in between those marathon sessions at library which eventually inspired us to have the career we have today. We have seen worst movies together PINJAR & KYONKI to name few .but we still have a good laugh about it .Even today he forgets my birthday each year only to call days later to wish me a belated birthday .but he is truly genuine and with no pretences just like me .we makes us stuck for soo long

Chetan and I have seen all the movies we can .at the time of multiplex pricing and limited pocket money we used to reach 9 AM show at Fame .every Sunday .Spiderman series, Garfield, and what not .he is not romantic movie fan like me .So we have seen all off beat movies together mostly English . Even today whenever we need to catch up on something and need company , we always call each other from Bryans Adams live concert to IPL cricket Match We have time for all these even in the busiest schedule .Yes, our Bangkok trip is pending for the long hope we get through it somehow.

Just after I completed my CA I met Pallavi Hardas , Pallu as I call her. We meet during GMCS and subsequently, she joined same company .Viz Tata Motors .We never looked back . We use to chat whole day via mail and call each other so often. I remember when she left a job for doing MBA, She used to send me her assignment with a note I need a solution in 10 mins, she used to receive it in 5 mins flat . Whenever I was in Mumbai we used to meet .I used to land up at her house and never felt like an outsider .Whenever there is puranpoli at her home ,I would be the invitee . My almost two years in Lucknow was soo bearable because of her .Even today when we call each other we start off on same note We don’t need any assurance about the bond we share with each other .

Moving to Mumbai from Lucknow was joyful as I was moving with my family. But I didn’t know what’s in store at Mumbai office .It was Awesome two years at Tata s Thane office many were responsible for it I am not naming them all here .But I cant leave out three special people .First is Aarthi Mahuli .She snapped at me on my very first day at Mumbai office .In spite of sitting next to each other for a whole month, I didn’t speak to her. But finally we did and soo much so that .it was like we come to office just to chat with each other .We managed to chat just below our BOSS nose literally (Yes his cabin was just opposite our cubicle ).There were people trying to change our seat just to stop our chat but we didn’t relent .Two Geminis are a too good combination .From love & life stories to career advice we shared it all and in envy of most people in office .

Next on this list have to be Mr.Varun Malhotra , the Aamir khan ,the joke box, Bhavana, Sardar , khotta …that few of various names we call him .He will be on Thane office account team everybody list .he have to be for such joy full atmosphere he creates .He is semi Baba Ramdev sometime starts his Gyan Vardak session . But we need some gyaan in our life even if it becomes unbearable due to weird logic he put to it .Only one who can get ways after calling me, egoist .But very difficult to get angry with him and almost impossible to have a fight with .I know he will have some gyaan on this as well .

The third one is my favourite Megha Doshi .Why I say my favourite becoz she is one I admire the most simply for her ability to bear all nonsense I put her through with a smile on her face. I have got angry ,fought on the silliest thing with her .complained about each and everything mostly her busy schedule and her workaholic nature .but she is superb how she manages to be soo dedicated is above my understanding . Gumsum (That’s what I call her ) is super sporty .I really miss irritating her these days but I try my best to do so whenever I get time.

And last but not least on this list is my Judwa friend Anuja More .I met her as part on my current assignment at JSW .We became a friend in strangest of the way as we didn’t become a friend when most likely but when we were most unlikely .That’s long story which only both of us can understand .We chat, we fight, we complain, get angry. then manavfy each other ,make each other smile ,we do it all but we can’t be away from each other for too long . I share everything with her . She knows all the things which even my closet people do not know. With her, I can go on and on like even whole book can't be enough . In short, she is My bestest friend .

Sorry for all those who missed out ,but it is my take on all relationship I had who have made a difference in my life .I like to double this list as fast as I would .

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